You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
