I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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