I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
