I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize