Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
