He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
