This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
