The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
