In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
