I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
