My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
