Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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