I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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