My first STD was from a foam party
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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