you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
