Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
