4 words: hood of his car
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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