So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
