so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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