My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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