im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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