Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
