ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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