I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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