her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
