I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
