Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
