My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
