Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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