so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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