in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I touched a dick in church today
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