I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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