i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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