I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
