you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize