Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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