Sponge bath it is.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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