I wish my penis had an off switch
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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