apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
