my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
