The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
