whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize