he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize