Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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