You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
