the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
