My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
