I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
