Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
