I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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