been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A+ Viking dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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