i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
