do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
