how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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