went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
