i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
