the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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