That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
