I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
