Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
