Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize