Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
