Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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