wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize