OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
