How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My ass is underappreciated
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
