Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
