I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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