Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
